Karori Park #2 was the setting. Upper Hutt RJ's were to be again, victims of a mighty booming.
Although my first sentence may foreshadow a good result for the Boomers the start was anything but. Striker Blaine Abraham turned up to the game drunk with one of the recent form players Vikram Jayawant not too far behind having woken up less then an hour before kickoff. Then to lose Jesse 'Chops' Halford in the warmup it seemed like the Boomers would have to pull everything together to get a result. After controversy in a midweek training that saw only seven turn up, pundits were picking an RJ's upset.
Life-long Boomers fan Rachael Landers said she was approaching this game with caution.
"We only beat them 2-0 last time and I've noticed they're about where we are on the table so they'll be up for it.
"I just hope the lads don't get too complacent."
As the referee, who bore a remarkable resemblance to left-back Samuel Clark, blew the whistle to begin the match it was all Boomers from the get go.
Playing a three man midfield with McSweeny man-marking the notorious no.14, Zak Meyers and Jesse Strafford dictated much of the play in the opening 20 minutes. Vikram Jayawant was struggling to hold on to Upper Hutt's reply to Robinho combined with twenty knee braces and reading glasses but he was doing enough to contain the mercurial winger down the left.
There was a shuffle between right-back and goalkeeper this week with Bascand and Candy swapping positions. An unfortunate niggle in the corner as Bascand and his man tussled for a ball looking likely to go out saw the hulky goalkeeper turned right back go tumbling. This was followed by screams from one person and giggles of laughter from everyone else.
A disgusting long ball was cleaned up around the thirty minute mark by once-makeshift-now-accomplished Raikon. The Maldivian international turned under pressure from the RJ's lone striker (I need to come back to this point) and lofted a clever pass to McSweeny who turned and sent Dave Williams on his way down the right flank towards the byline. Williams then sent in a scintillating cross that was jumped upon by Boomers striker Austin Burgess who slotted home beautifully. 1-0 to the Boomers from a slick return to a filthy long ball. A slap in the face for the RJ's and their poor style of football.
I say 'lone' striker with reluctance as this was something that happened due to the style and shape of their players. It was clear that although it seemed they had one 'slim' or quick striker who posed a bit of nift if you like, they had another who seemed to camouflage (definitely not literally) into a left winger. The Diego Maradona-esque striker would suddenly appear with the deftest of touches or make the smallest bursts to strike fear into Kris Shannon and Raikon's hearts. The RJ's call this formation the Fat Boy Slim formation or The Script (see http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gS9o1FAszdk).
The game went through quiet patches with both sides having shots at goal go wide and opportunities missed. The second half came and suddenly this guy http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4smBwgYOCo took over as referee and the match turned to sh**ts.
It wasn't long before the RJ's were awarded an unjust penalty. Number 14 picked up the ball with a cocky arrogance and shot. To the amazement and joy of the Boomers it struck the upright and fell into the path of Maradona who was unable to finish. The game continued with sparring as shots were fired both ways. Boomers held on for a tense 1-0 and a third game unbeaten.
Sorry Maradona, I was a bit mean.
On to those burger-ringed Eastbourners.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Monday, April 11, 2011
Karori Boomers 0-3 Stokes Valley
The Boomers were looking to build on their impressive start to the Capital 5 season but would have to beat a rugged and unforgiving Stokes Valley outfit. The team was weakened from the get go, with playmaker Zak Meyers out due to a bad sneeze he had earlier in the week, Ollie Carr and John the Huss Mortimer all out.
From the kickoff the Boomers were on the back foot with centre backs Jesse 'Chops' Halford and Jacob McSweeny being outnumbered and conceding early. Bruce picked up an early injury and was forced to go off. The Boomers struggled to keep possession and were constantly punished with strikes hitting the post and some coming very close. Goalkeeper Michael Candy had his wits about him and made some key saves. A good move between Dave Williams and Badger saw the not-for-much-longer hairy striker come excruciatingly close to heading in but for a good save from the Stokes keeper, Teddy-Jethro Brown. Jesse Strafford was being overburdened in midfield as Stokes played with two dangerous attacking midfielders who would fluctuate. A devastating combination that the Boomers never really got on top of. Coming to the end of the half Stokes doubled their lead with a header at the back post. Jacob McSweeny failed to track his man who was able to nod in at the back post.
The second half involved nothing but another jammy back post goal and one Stokes Valley player who had far too much testosterone. A sour 3-0 defeat for the Boomers and a lesson learnt.
Man of the match was given to Michael Candy to heal his wounds.
P.S The angry Stokes Valley player caused quite the controversy when he ran from the field at the final whistle, refusing to shake hands and was later caught masturbating furiously while drinking woodstock bourbon and cola in his lowered ute.
From the kickoff the Boomers were on the back foot with centre backs Jesse 'Chops' Halford and Jacob McSweeny being outnumbered and conceding early. Bruce picked up an early injury and was forced to go off. The Boomers struggled to keep possession and were constantly punished with strikes hitting the post and some coming very close. Goalkeeper Michael Candy had his wits about him and made some key saves. A good move between Dave Williams and Badger saw the not-for-much-longer hairy striker come excruciatingly close to heading in but for a good save from the Stokes keeper, Teddy-Jethro Brown. Jesse Strafford was being overburdened in midfield as Stokes played with two dangerous attacking midfielders who would fluctuate. A devastating combination that the Boomers never really got on top of. Coming to the end of the half Stokes doubled their lead with a header at the back post. Jacob McSweeny failed to track his man who was able to nod in at the back post.
The second half involved nothing but another jammy back post goal and one Stokes Valley player who had far too much testosterone. A sour 3-0 defeat for the Boomers and a lesson learnt.
Man of the match was given to Michael Candy to heal his wounds.
P.S The angry Stokes Valley player caused quite the controversy when he ran from the field at the final whistle, refusing to shake hands and was later caught masturbating furiously while drinking woodstock bourbon and cola in his lowered ute.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Upper Hutt RJ's 0-2 Karori Boomers
The mighty Boomers started their 2011 season with a satisfactory 2-0 win against the RJ's. The boys were able to unlock the maze that is Upper Hutt and locate Harcourt Park, an evergreen and lush pitch that was set in amongst surrounding suburban homes.
The various shapes, sizes and longevities of the RJ's did not shock the Boomers as they dressed and warmed up, but it was the arrival of a referee that caused the most shock. For several of the players, the idea of rolling subs and the chance to get a breather (or a beer and a yarn) on the sideline had been planned on. The referee demanded that only three subs be used, and as a result, Messrs. Clark, Beavis, and Candy are now made to wait for their glorious debuts. To heal their wounds, the three discards began drinking.
Captain Strafford pointed out playing the easy ball as well as standing strong as key focus points in his riveting pre-match team talk. Other leaders, such as Bruce Wetherhill and Jacob McSweeny gave words of confidence to the lesser experienced players.
The game began and the Boomers were eager to dominate early proceedings and did so with Strafford, Wetherhill and Zak Meyers all linking up well in the middle of the park. Kris Shannon at right back and Ollie Carr further up on the right were providing good service to the Boomers big boys up front.
Blaine Abraham and Dave Williams were proving too strong for the RJ's centre backs and causing many a headache with their aerial victories and timely layoffs to Meyers and Carr.
After a Boomers corner wasn't cleared, and the ball fell to Abraham a half-volley-swat from the burly forward took a deflection and found its way into the back of the net. Despite one of the worst football celebrations every seen, the Boomers were ecstatic at the confirmation that they would be more than competitive at this level.
The game slowly became more and more physical with Meyers being constantly fouled whenever he received the ball. I imagine something similar would happen if Meyers were to end up in prison. The exotic Indian import Vikram Jayawant began having an impact and proving a solid combination with left back McSweeny as both players began to intertwine down the left. The RJ's left winger, Upper Hutt's chubby Arjen Robben had a brief glimpse of glory as he scooted around McSweeny (much to the enjoyment of the Boomers bench) but his cross only managed to scare some of Upper Hutts local vampires hiding in the bushes.
After some good one touch football between Meyers and Dave Williams, Williams was put through with a one-on-one which he calmly slotted home to make the score 2-0.
At half time the Boomers were happy with how things were going and looked to make three changes just after the break.
At the 50 minute mark, Raiko Shareef came on for Shannon, Austin Burgess for Abraham, and John 'the huss' Mortimer came on for Jayawant.
It was a half of frustration for the Boomers as they struggled to maintain possession and take chances with Burgess, Williams and Mortimor all guilty of not troubling the keeper with very good chances.
The RJ's were kept at bay due to the heroic efforts of Jesse Halford and Bruce Wetherhill at the back. James Bascand was rarely tested in this game and will look for a bit more action next time.
The midfield battle was raged between the two captains, but Strafford seemingly came out on top putting on a strong, passionate and determined display to lead his side to glory. A deserved win, but the Boomers will feel they should have sealed the game earlier and with a bigger score.
Jesse Halford was named man of the match.
Please go to this link as well
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v
The various shapes, sizes and longevities of the RJ's did not shock the Boomers as they dressed and warmed up, but it was the arrival of a referee that caused the most shock. For several of the players, the idea of rolling subs and the chance to get a breather (or a beer and a yarn) on the sideline had been planned on. The referee demanded that only three subs be used, and as a result, Messrs. Clark, Beavis, and Candy are now made to wait for their glorious debuts. To heal their wounds, the three discards began drinking.
Captain Strafford pointed out playing the easy ball as well as standing strong as key focus points in his riveting pre-match team talk. Other leaders, such as Bruce Wetherhill and Jacob McSweeny gave words of confidence to the lesser experienced players.
The game began and the Boomers were eager to dominate early proceedings and did so with Strafford, Wetherhill and Zak Meyers all linking up well in the middle of the park. Kris Shannon at right back and Ollie Carr further up on the right were providing good service to the Boomers big boys up front.
Blaine Abraham and Dave Williams were proving too strong for the RJ's centre backs and causing many a headache with their aerial victories and timely layoffs to Meyers and Carr.
After a Boomers corner wasn't cleared, and the ball fell to Abraham a half-volley-swat from the burly forward took a deflection and found its way into the back of the net. Despite one of the worst football celebrations every seen, the Boomers were ecstatic at the confirmation that they would be more than competitive at this level.
The game slowly became more and more physical with Meyers being constantly fouled whenever he received the ball. I imagine something similar would happen if Meyers were to end up in prison. The exotic Indian import Vikram Jayawant began having an impact and proving a solid combination with left back McSweeny as both players began to intertwine down the left. The RJ's left winger, Upper Hutt's chubby Arjen Robben had a brief glimpse of glory as he scooted around McSweeny (much to the enjoyment of the Boomers bench) but his cross only managed to scare some of Upper Hutts local vampires hiding in the bushes.
After some good one touch football between Meyers and Dave Williams, Williams was put through with a one-on-one which he calmly slotted home to make the score 2-0.
At half time the Boomers were happy with how things were going and looked to make three changes just after the break.
At the 50 minute mark, Raiko Shareef came on for Shannon, Austin Burgess for Abraham, and John 'the huss' Mortimer came on for Jayawant.
It was a half of frustration for the Boomers as they struggled to maintain possession and take chances with Burgess, Williams and Mortimor all guilty of not troubling the keeper with very good chances.
The RJ's were kept at bay due to the heroic efforts of Jesse Halford and Bruce Wetherhill at the back. James Bascand was rarely tested in this game and will look for a bit more action next time.
The midfield battle was raged between the two captains, but Strafford seemingly came out on top putting on a strong, passionate and determined display to lead his side to glory. A deserved win, but the Boomers will feel they should have sealed the game earlier and with a bigger score.
Jesse Halford was named man of the match.
Please go to this link as well
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v
Monday, March 28, 2011
Player Profiles
From now on, the club will be referred to as Karori Football Club, or KFC. Going for something that wouldn't get confusing.
In under two weeks time, a seemingly fictitious compilation of players and animals will don the black and white stripes, uncannily resembling the referee, to play a game of football. This team, is the almighty Karori Boomers. This new faction of the Karori Waterside club will add to its already prestigious hall of fame that includes names such as Tim Brown, Simon Elliott and Duncan Oughton. The league they will take part in, will be that of the no-nonsense Capital 5. Although it is situated in the middle realms of Wellington Football, it is of such a standard that referee's are strictly regulated, so much so that now they do not exist in Capital 5. The title of composer and blacksmith of the squad rightfully falls on the uncompromising Jesse Stratford [Strafford], who enjoys his name being misspelled it must be said. The profiles of each player and his attributes is as follows.
GK: James Bascand. The Human Wall. Somehow, some way, Bascand will find a way to get in the way. Although his previous sporting career's suggest he may struggle with his feet on the ground, he is a proven performer in the indoor and shorter forms of outdoor. Interestingly, with the side's other accomplished goalkeeper, Bascand has signed a contract with expectations to get on the field. A handy addition to cause some havoc up top or as a full back.
In under two weeks time, a seemingly fictitious compilation of players and animals will don the black and white stripes, uncannily resembling the referee, to play a game of football. This team, is the almighty Karori Boomers. This new faction of the Karori Waterside club will add to its already prestigious hall of fame that includes names such as Tim Brown, Simon Elliott and Duncan Oughton. The league they will take part in, will be that of the no-nonsense Capital 5. Although it is situated in the middle realms of Wellington Football, it is of such a standard that referee's are strictly regulated, so much so that now they do not exist in Capital 5. The title of composer and blacksmith of the squad rightfully falls on the uncompromising Jesse Stratford [Strafford], who enjoys his name being misspelled it must be said. The profiles of each player and his attributes is as follows.
GK: Michael Candy. The teams smiling assassin. The lanky Hamiltonian, came into the squad late due to his onerous contract demands. After several contract negotiations with assistant manager Jacob McSweeny, who was adamant to sign the cheesy goalkeeper, he agreed to sign only a few days ago with a contract that allows himself and Bascand to perform duties outside the box. This is only expected to happen late in a game and if the result is well and truly sealed.
DEF: John Mortimer. Often referred to by friends as JMorts or J.Grylls for his physique, innovation and all-round practicality. The man is at this current stage unable to train due to the fact he is currently holding Wellington's tectonic plates in place. He is a personal nemesis of Ken Ring. Heroic man, but very modest, will likely be a strong addition as a left, right and even cover at centre back.
DEF: Raiko Shareef. The bony-framed overseas international is currently on loan from VB Sports Club and is owned by Kia Joorabchian, the agent/tyrant who also owns Carlos Tevez. It is rumoured that Shareef, Joorabchian and Tevez often have linked conversations over Skype. Shareef will most probably come in as a centre back, in competition with Wetherhill and the anonymous Palmerston North-born Brazilian Jesse (not to be confused with Strafford). As well as centre back, Shareef will also be a probable option at full back.
DEF/MID: Sammy Clark. The agile and nippy left sided player is known for his vision and touch. Although his transfer from a cricket club has meant he is yet to appear in training, he will be a key addition to the squad. His position isn't really concrete and could yet be decided after two or three games. Other notable football achievements: 5mins up front in Capital 2. He will bring crucial experience from the dizzying heights of the higher leagues of Wellington football.
DEF/MID: Vikram Jayawant. The anonymous slum-dog millionaire will bring both flamboyancy and mystery to the squad. His fitness and mental stability will be tested throughout the season and he has been tipped as the next poster boy for the next KFC advertising campaign.
DEF/MID: Jesse Strafford. The team's engine room and player coach. Strafford will bring a calm stability to the midfield and dictate games. If he doesn't he'll be fucken angry (see pic). Will have a lot of pressure as to the selection of starting lineup but he should be able to cope. A likely penalty taker. Will have fitness and alcohol issues but this is expected.
MID: Kris Shannon. The Hamilton born midfielder will struggle to get past Hamilton-born connotations. Looks a solid central midfielder with good distribution skills that will help the team gel. Due to low literacy rates in Hamilton, his communication and English speaking and listening skills could pose as a barrier.
Director of Football: Alex Danger Rothman. Is a twat. Had his contract offer (as a player) removed after his weak FIFA performances were noted by management. Since then he has taken up a small part-time backroom position as Director of Football. As a result his photo is smaller than everyone else's.
ST: Blaine Abraham. 'Boob' is expected to play a pivotal hold-up role up front for the Boomers. It will be interesting to see how he performs in front of goal as well as his collaboration with long-time nemesis Dave Williams. Manager Strafford may have a very short straw with Abraham and as a result the burly forward may be under the pump a bit.
ST: Austin Burgess. Badger is likely to be fighting with Abraham for the second strikers position alongside Dave Williams this season. Badger has a leathal shot, good strength and either a relentless carelessness or a very courageous way of playing football. The (wish I could say burly again) striker has experience in Wellington football with several University sides, most recently the Uni Rangers who's average result last year was a 7-7 draw in the Cap 10 division. Although Badger comes from pastures where defending isn't recognised as necessary, he will adapt to better defending and be a good source of goals.
ST: Dave Williams. Private Williams will head the Boomers frontline and looks very much the part. Although he can be described as a bit chubby, he has good pace and strength that will allow him to succeed at this level. A strong finish means he is likely to be favourite for golden boot along with Z Meyers.
MID/ST: Zak Meyers. The picturesque talented attacker will be the hub of Boomers attack. Most attacks, assists are likely to have Meyers creating at the middle of them. He is known for his one-shoe antics in indoor football and we can only hope he turns up to the first game with two boots. Also likely to be performing Justin Bieber cover songs during half time.
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